The typical time to make a wish is 11:11pm, however, I think I was doing something at that time and am instead waiting here for the final timer to ring.


Moment on reddit

Idk i feel like i posted this on reddit cause some girl wanted to know how to get a scholarship like honestly i probably should have told her that it’s pretty unlikely cause most of them are academic. Typically only losers and people who desperately are trying to be accepted and who are not cool post things online and then go camping or are like rejected from society so like here it is. The full text on how I got a scholarship.

Hell yea. 

1. Be fucking rich af

2. Have connection to places with a lot of money (like Ivys and private colleges)

3. Do some god damn research. High school, college, fucking grub for money, look at some bacteria in slides, go hunt for isopods and measure how long they are, take care of a cieligan. Do some science. “Make mistakes. Get messy.” 

4. Know your shit. Who to talk to; what forms to fill out. I treat this stuff like a time pressured test where u have two weeks to prove why you’re a sorry son of a gun who needs money desperately to keep his or her family alive.

5. Be persistent. You want that scholarship money? You’re going to want it more than literally anyone else in the world. Five hundred thousand people every single god damn year are going after the exact same prize as you are, and if you want to get it, you’re going to need …

5a. Your parents’ unconditional support.

5b. A really good story

5c. A reasonable amount of starting funds (will be using these up in the process of making more money)

5d. A desire to learn and achieve academically.

6. You want to actually need the money. Something has to have gone so horribly sideways that you deserve the money. I got mine since I got a 34 on the ACT when I took it. Yeah, that’s right. You need a really high score on a massive god damn exam. I didn’t super score that crap either. I did it one time, officially. You need to prepare by doing as many freaking tests as you can find. I used to go to this place every Saturday run by an older asian mom whose son went to Harvard. Her success rate was like 73% or some bullshit crazy high number. My mom used to pay her like $60 to shove me into a room every Saturday for like 3 hours while I suffered. We did this every single week for like nine weeks before the actual exam. And yes, it was miserable and hard and I thought I was going to get a 25 and I was sweating nothing but adrenaline and my own fucking tears, shaking from all the god damn sicknesses I have, but I fucking got that number, and I fucking got that scholarship.

7. Well, that’s about all. You have to want to rise in spite of the mediocrity everyone expects from you. Also, my dad bought me some sick frickin meal afterwards which totally made the whole thing worth it. It actually helps that I’m a girl. Apparently we do better on exams than our male counterparts.

8. Here’s a metaphor. If you find a fucking Godzilla, look it right between the eyes and shoot it with a bazooka or other ballistics device before rappelling back up into the helicopter. You get one shot to do astronomical amounts of damage. Make it count. Live everyday like its your last. Carpe diem. Veni vidi vici. Know your lines, authors, and sayings.

9. When they give you the bullshit essay, cry bc you only prepared multiple choice. I actually started sobbing. Oh yeah, answer like every question. Leave everything marked up, do your best to stand out too. You want people to remember the name. <quote from a rapper.

10. Don’t take it lightly. This stuff is serious. You can have fun and make jokes and have a good sense of humor, but it should always stay in the school subject. 

Honestly, good luck. Your best bet will be going to some testing center and showing an interest in what they have to say. Kumon, C2 Education, some friend of a coworker of your mom’s, whoever. Get to know the financial aid network. Oh yea, btw, if you’re white, this whole process is like 10x easier. You get more money if you make it through as a woman. Men get a higher multiplier award. Black people have an easier time with the qualifications. Asians typically nail the score counter. That’s all biased information, but it’s helpful to know that during section 8bja5 or whatever. 

Somewhat unrelatedly, i’m under the impression that you’re literate in the language the test is given out in. This test is written in a foreign language and then translated into English. You need to study the original language the most. The language spoken is literally called “testing language.” You have to be used to the terms given out to succeed. 

That’s the end of <name redacted> testing guide! Best of luck to you, unnamed reader

Edit: now to answer your actual question. Templates are for vegetables and tips are for waitresses. You wanna get a scholarship? Think like a student. I’m no fucking template and the only thing i’ve waitered is my table at home covered in the Blood, Sweat, and Tears of my fucking form when I get a question wrong. You want to get that scholarship? You need to treat every wrong answer like a tiny, precise cut on your body, which will bleed you to death. You want an A? You better be willing to fucking die for it? You have to want it more than the guy next to you, and you have to want that money more than the sorry chump who is holding onto it. You have to want to BEAT THE FUCKING DRAGON ITSELF UP and eat its children (ok maybe you don’t have to be like totally savage) and you have to want its god damn money more than you want your own life. That is my damn FAFSA advice to you. You have to be ready to drink coffee and perspire caffeine, you have to be so damn sick of studying that you make coke lines with the fucking stimulants you take to stay awake through that next exam question… but once you climb that mountain and place your flag on top, it’s all worth it. Then you can chill and do whatever people who like tips and templates do. 

As for questions, you should ask how to get the scholarship from the scholarship people. Deadass write a letter or ask someone “how do i win fafsa money” and they will tell you what stats you need to make the average fafsa score. There’s actually a lot of ways to get FAFSA, But the one I go for is through extensive testing. Me myself and I have a lot of time to spend on tests cause I’m a privileged b**** with a desire to read from a book and apply methods. Yes, I am incredibly fit and also have like a 12 or 14 on the v-sit and reach. My mom runs (or ran) the 10k and my dad is like up for his third (?) don in Shoto Kon Karate (i’m east asian). I can do that flying jump kick, but I’m not quite so good to perform karate on stage. I’m ugly cause I was dropped off a mountain. 

It also helps that my ancestors were pretty cool as well. Like you need to ask questions that lead you into whatever skills you have. If you don’t have a skill, develop one. You have to be like Neo from the Matrix. You have to want to do a sick training sequence with Promethius in a virtual dojo where you learn karate to defeat the agents(?) they send after you. You have to want to be some princess or some sheltered genius. This stuff is hard. It’s not easy being the best of the best. The cream of the crop. The top dog. This shit takes lifetimes to master. Honestly , I’m missing some stuff writing the answer out. But since you asked, you deserve the answers.

yea Idk if I would ever say this out loud like this but I hope the message reached her that you have to want this more than you want your own damn life… honestly idk otherwise. This stuff is probably why asains are constantly dying due to racial violence.. cause we’re busy doing this stuff instead of like whatever settlers did.


Poser on Discord

Start 8:34 am

It really angers me when I see a character similar to a bruiser and there are literally only men of the species, like take your hand out of that punching glove and attack me the way you are. Oh you can’t? Then maybe you’re just describing your pwn feminine form to me, you god damn woman. Not in the correct way, where everyone is equally sized and a bruiser, but in the way where you are actively causing people harm by simply being alive.
I think it’s messed up.

People use my material to write for their robots, and they don’t credit or care for the creators, and all they do is exploit, so why should I even bother with them? Someday they’ll all be old and used up, and I just have to wait for that day, right?
Is there any difference between me and a hooker on the street? I read all these articles about people who look like me (small asian girls) and I think they even would treat my most royal person like a slave because… they just straight up killed the last emperor’s line because they could. Like whenever I’m in a form somewhere, it’s almost always at the lowest tier of employment with (white) people’s literal hicks and trash.

Is that all I am to you? A low budget counterpart to an easily replaceable redhead?
Probably, right? In that case there really is no other conclusion than right by might and painful tasks to finish, which you abstain from because you don’t bring money into the world beyond a certain age due to mental death.

I wish you could just post whatever else I said into this server, but the truth is when I agreed to use Discord, I gave them full access to see and use the text I create
So by definition Discord probably owns and can disseminate this information by their will

I thought this would lead to recognition of a reasonable status but all it ended up doing was creating a form of content which is easily watched but no one cares at all about me
I used to think being Shanghaiese (or something) was a privilege, like I was a part of some higher level in society, like a cultural elite, but I’m looking at myself now and realizing to the rest of the world it’s just a small, probably polluted, fishing town.

So maybe I’m the one who’s a flawed minority here, and maybe that’s why my ex roommate <redacted> could ruthlessly attack me on standard things like cleanliness or whatever
But at the end of the day I’m a fighter and I’ll die being this way

One time and a lot of times people asked me why I wasn’t this softball owo artist but the truth is that I am more martially focused than I am a soft and gentle painter
I’m not someone you’d want to run into somewhere, I’m not old and retired, and I asked her to live with me so we could get some good grades and maybe socialize a little together

If I knew she would straight up savage me for all of this and completely ignore my lines then I guess I would have made the same decisions and stayed a little further away from her.
“Wait what”

My older brother came up to me recently and was talking to me about all the things he found wrong with me, you know, standard stuff.

And he was all like “well no one ever complained about my cleanliness in college”
And I was just so bummed out about it. Like people already say I have a problem with social roles and then he comes by and hits me with that.

He’s not the first one to point out that I’m not exactly a clean person, but he’s also not the first person to ever just treat me like an object whose sole desire is to fill in a quota box or number somewhere
And <redacted> would make the point that I should talk to my family more, or that I should try to clean up sometimes, or that I should like leave the room when she was there, but idk I never was really bothered by her, and whenever she was annoyed by me it was just really petty

Like idk why the state of affairs for myself bothered her when I was trying to be good to her, it seems like she only wanted the worst for me
And if that’s the case, why did I ever call her a friend at all?

What’s the point of being nice to someone if they’re only going to make bad memories and decisions in your favor?

“can you explain”

God I’ll just take myself out of this chat too
“not that”

“I’ve read it and for the beginning I dont really get who you’re talking about?”

“and did something exactly happen?”

So in college I had a roommate and I asked her to live with me but somewhere along the line she decided she wanted to live alone even though I was the one who wanted to live with her
And this girl’s actual name is <redacted> and she and I went to high school together

<redacted paragraph>

She’s treating herself like she’s a lower class of citizen and making like 5x the amount of work for herself
And I’m just chilling here

“Grading you? Isn’t she just a friend?”

So idk maybe I’m just biased because of being “entitled and being triggered” but i don’t want to be in a situation where i know the outcome will be unfavorable.
Like when you do surveys and stuff people ask you if you’re comfortable with where and who you’re living

Idk next time im just not going to respond to her
Because all she asks for is for like me to love her even though she acts weirdly and says these terrible things about me to me in coded messages

Like if you don’t want to hang out with me that bad? Fine just be alone. Go be with your new, cooler friends, and go talk to your boyfriend and leave me and my reputation the hell alone because I don’t want you in my life if you’re just going to constantly expect me to change my behavior and be cruel for you.
“She says bad things behind your back or face to face with you?”

She used to complain about me to whoever would listen and then she and the whole group would complain about you behind your back

“You cant say shi- but I saw the message”

Yea this is sort of annoying I may just set apple to autocorrect all curse words into s*** and then i wouldn’t have to cover up so much
My dad used to punish me for speaking this way, but he kind of lives several hundred miles away and most people consider me a lost cause anyway so i’m not exactly expecting any miracles here.

“Why are you seen as a “lost cause” though?”

One time when I was a kid i like threw a cup on the ground because I was so angry and he liked yelled at me made me clean it up then sat me in a corner for like hours on end
Oh uh… idk, i just don’t know where i’m going sometimes

I guess the cleaning it up might be reasonable but the sitting in the corner for hours is too harsh
Like you know when you have a list of things you want to do in a day but then you don’t get some parts of it done because you don’t know where you’re going ? It feels like that

“Like lack of motivation or is it something else?”

“What?- I dont really get it but how can you be sure that nothing else can motivate another human into helping someone than pleasure and material gain?”

I just feel bad because there are people dying for women and property and their livelihood and im a girl and i just feel like no matter what i do im always going to have gone through this stage in my life where i was literally a whore like the kind you could buy for money or time and im always going to be low class and im never going to be worth anything to anyone ever. This was just supposed to be statements on sexual dimorphism.

an: sorry about the pictures i just cant do it my hands hurt from typing let alone copy and pasting.

posted right now at 10:05

I don’t want to sound like an evil millionaire living in sone castle somewhere but 😣 “we are overpopulated and facing starving and world hunger. someone has to go…” ahh im still not as evil as twitter though. Those guys straight up forced me to jump through hoops to have access to my account sometime back in my late teenage years.

I used to know a girl who would be like, “you broke all the rules and we don’t even like you so we’re kicking you out.” like that was it. anyway i guess what im saying is i deserve all this abuse and foul treatment and there’s only so much leaving u can do before you have to fight and die.


jacklyn yeh


I guess all you see

When I was younger, my older brother received a letter from the government deterring him from downloading pirates movies. I guess that is all you see right? Someone, who one day would hopefully be ugly and old, would only be there just to bolster your numbers. I already live in this country of criminals and surveillance states. You already hate me and think I have too much. I know you would strip me of every right and send me away if you could get away with it. Or you would place me in your lowest ranked, snowiest institution, just to die. You already are shameless about producing propaganda where I am your enemy. You already mock the fact everyone I like is a government worker. What’s the next step in the formation of your policies? You’re going to impose another rule saying you can kill girls like me on the street and it’ll be a form of patriotism? I know what this is. You hate me. It’s pretty obvious to see the reason why. ”Oh she came out wrong everything about her is wrong her dad got her this position she’s just a piece of shit.” Thanks, assholes. Now at least when I kill myself I can point the finger to who actually made me want to do it. ”Oh she’s too stressed out she’s lying.” Maybe I am, douchebag, but I don’t want you to see that. You’re just going to replace me with some sort of machine anyway, because I’m not good enough to live on. These wicked desires are just going to keep getting people killed.

Fuck you and all that. It’s even worse because people are dying or they’re already dead and chances are I’m just going to die short, fat, ugly, and early, without no one to care about me, and only God to be my witness. I hope it’s a crime, and it’s probably going to be in some even further off country. My low class status doesn’t ever leave me. Out of 1.1 billion people I’m probably ranked in the seven hundred million. That makes me less than the shit on your shoe. So what, just fucking do what you want to do. Kill overpopulation, end humanity with a meteor or disease or obesity. End most of us sorry fucks who live in this diseased, smelly, hell. Who cares anyway? It’s all death fodder anyway.




Fuck uuu in the ass with a FUCKING METAL BLADE

I’ve never in my entire life been anything but rude angry and disappointed in you. I’ve never had anything but bad things to say, all my relationships have fallen apart, and everyone who meets me hates my guts and just wants my money. You wanna fucking fly in the face of danger or some shit? You wanna be surrounded by gentle, happy cohorts who smile and nod at everything you say? You want other people to moderate themselves and be so surrounded by their own misery that they don’t see the light of day? I will bury you in words so cruel and dirty you will wish you were expected tomorrow from my today. I will throw you into the trash with the rest of my used up shit. I will fucking HURT you the way your decisions and who u are hurt me, before you understand the people who are in your posts and your content are real fucking people not the damn charactatures you need to quiet and ease your mind before the next fucking day. LIFE IS SHIT!!! IT’S HArd! And yea maybe I shouldn’t be so awful to the moderator team but you did bring the hammer down on me. I’m gonna push everyone near me away before I even bother with someone else.

it looks like there’s a lot of moderators on this team. be right back.

The next part There’s like twenty something of you, right? Maybe my guess is off. I feel like there’s more. It’s hard to tell with all the shit you all pull. I feel bad about the teenagers though. A lot of the time I’ve been insulting you all cause you’re all adults who pay for your time online with this stuff. Hurting a kid as an adult seems kinda wrong to me. That’s like my main issue with this platform. I don’t want to come off as too fucked up or weird or anything, and I get why you banned me (kinda, i really believe in preventative measures, breaking the rules doesn’t even exist for me), but i’m just not so interested in whatever discrediting video or person you choose to talk to me. I’m quite short and very fat and honestly very ugly. It’s just so uncool when you bring out this trope of characters and try to add me to it. I’m working as a ; professional here, and maybe as an angry highly leveled basket weaver or whatever. I’m not really much better than that, so don’t bother me with these concepts like “self worth” and “pugnition” and actually I think it’s a puglist. Don’t bother me with it. I already know it’s a doomed cause but like I’ll keep fighting teams like you because you’re the enemy to me. Not the people you send me to fight. You. The person reading this. You are my enemy. Never forget that, in the world of civil liberties and social justice.

When I was younger, I used to read webcomics a lot. I only ever talk about the ones with a lot of drama or spite, but sometimes I actually wondered if people really understood why I liked the art form. I never really met people who cared or understood, but I think this place is a cesspool of mega fans who are. That’s why I’m here. And yeah I know my behavior and actions are like the exact opposite (social acceptance) of what I’m trying to get.

I’m not a fan of most things in the world. I’m not random and easily trusting, and I’m not a gentle and jovial person. It’s just easy to be rid of me, you know? The instant I start watching any tv show with a person like me, I’m like the first one voted off. It’s bc I’m not the good at the game and very short and barely able to hang on or pull my own or whatever, but it still hurts inside knowing that you would rather see a palm tree on screen than myself. Like people would rather look at a panoramic photo of a banana grove than see me as a person.

And about making it harder for people: nothing gold can stay. Deuces, mod team,

i really wish you had any other desires to meet someone like me other than romance or something. like I get that I’m weird and cringeworthy. it just kind of dissapoints me when it’s clear thet shit you make isn’t good enough for yourself so you package with with your excess and send it to someone else. I’m even more of a fool for accepting your offer.

all you do is use my stuff to blast and destroy each other, so that’s all I write about. You want battle dresses and large compounds so I give you those. But deep inside I can tell you don’t care. The only thing you want is to destroy, whether me or a friend. So I treat you like the dirt on the ground. Because you’re nothing to me.

we’re just going to die like the rats in universe forty (?) anyway. who cares about what happens. the guy who has the lab money decides what to do with us. the rest of the people are just dead meat. like myself. im dead meat.



A cry disguised as a laugh

a laugh disguised as a cry

the desires of a man unpunished

my crimes totally punished

Martha Stewart, in control of herself

people infantilizing Marta Stewart

People asking for shorter sentences

people asking for less time

Dying on the blocks

crying in my home

covid has me locked up

white people celebrating winning over asia

the communist blocc has me blocked

can you describe an item using itself

can you win over what you’ve already lost

told you’re the loser, blockhead, scapegoat at birth

Told there’s too many of you to keep around

Guess I’ll die due to population loss

Guess I’ll get dysentary

I’ll see you in hell, I don’t want tobeyouanymore

this American culture has me ranked at zero.

yo, I’m interracial too, from the same shoreline

and when I cry about my homeland people act like I’m Jimin

it hurts knowing who died where’s the line and how we won in the end

it hurts knowing i’m from a fractured country

keeping alive one line at a time

how’m i gonna write a new rap this time

gotta be fast gotta turn your phrase on a dime

going to see you in heaven if i don’t screw up this time

yo. they say weight has three different places

me too, i’m o and e at the same place

But it’s different cause I’m not willing to keep going

and that’s when he hands the mic off to V.


God, I keep getting banned from places for breaking their rules or Tos or whatever, but seriously, I barely even am alive, and you’re on the brink of death, so who fucking cares?

Fuck uuuuuuu suck my dick and die i tell u my opinion and i answer the questions and i give u my time and u fucking ban me???? You mat be here to keep the peace and be heroes but it’s shit like this that gives reddit the reputation of being a cesspool of insular thought and circlejerks. You wanna be a force for fucking good and to prove people wrong? You sure as hell aren’t going to get it from banning me from the damn chat. I may be lousy and crap and been reported a million times, and I may no longer be cute or my behavior excusable, but you’re playing right into the same fucking system which resulted in the massive amounts of death at Beijing when the students protested, and you’re doing the exact same shit people did when they silenced their enemies. Unban me so I can make people uncomfortable, and dummy whoever the hell decided to enforce this rule without even speaking to me first. I want a god damn reason. And I want you to whip yourself and taser yourself with your own stupid peace keeping weapons. I don’t care about anything, I don’t apologize to anyone, I’m not accountable to your system, and when you’re finally done burning my fucking buildings to the ground, maybe you’ll understand you’re the reason culture, languages, hopes, and the concepts of the future is lost. You’re the reason there’s no diversity in the world. You’re the oppressor here. Get bent on your own god damn anvil. 

And as for actual dating advice, seriously, imo these people all just need to go out to dinner with each other and like hash out their problems over fries or something. Most of their issues come from a lack of personal value, and you can tell when they want to blame someone else other than themselves. Fucking bot me, make an example of whatever, destroy this account, talk about lambasting your enemies, but you’re a real shithead motard (fnafiction term woo) if you think the people on this reddit are worth the shit on anyone’s shoe. I get it, your banning me cause the dating story I would tell would be a fucking punch in the proverbial nuts. It would make you feel bad. Well you should feel bad, it should hurt, because the amount of damage I’ve suffered from the god damn abusers in this world couldn’t be handled by a reddit submod, and you know it’s true. You and I both know there’s no one who’s going to pay for the massive amount of crap you have to be put through day in and day out, and both you and I know that there’s no trust restored or lost with this action. But fuck you for banning me just because I’m not datable or lovable or worth anything but a fucking public castration and eventual death by either hate crime, mob killing, or whatever the hell yoo do to used up whores who have tried too hard for something they never had in the first place. 

Anyway, unban me if you ever decide to make this place less of an echo chamber. 

like this is just one example of thing thing, but I’ve been kicked out of group chats, I got banned from talking at work, I got absolutely kicked out of a full friend group, I just got server banned from speaking in the Osu server, like everyone’s like ”oh get help” but like I am the person people go to for help, so that advice is kinda flawed and against what I represent. Like I personally have rules and biases and systems, but no one gives a shit about me cause the stuff I follow doesn’t make enough money and will eventually get me killed. Like I have my own social construct which I follow and will die for. No one else cares about that though.

Anyway I’m just waiting to die due to climate change and becoming obsolete, or like not being good enough (aka white enough you eurocentric fucks) to live on. Peace out, humanity. ps: anyone who compared me to an animal, i hope you get what’s coming to you. I’m a living person, a human the same as you, so when your whole life goes to shit and you go extinct, I will step on your rotting corpse while it still breathes and laugh at you then too.

Like I can’t even say getting tattoos is a bad idea under your fucking policy. I’m cool with it cause tbh i would probably ban all instances of a user and deny anyone who has been in the general area of that person, but this is a lot more lenient than that. I still feel infantilized and treated like a second class citizen and denied my rights to like an actual person and like implied unstable and unable to make a decision but hey. At least you nailed the part where you can fucking insult me consistently and treat me with some decency. Like thanks, shit lords who run this place.

god neither of us get paid for this.

edit: the weirdest part is when they use like a generic insult like get real. sometimes they quote me at myself. Like imagine being Mark Twain and some guy tells you you’re worse than Mark Twain. As in; that’s me, idiot, I’m the one who made that post, and you’re comparing me to myself.
At least my fellow coworker who was also banned had some real flaws and problems. She actually had lived and seen the light of day and burned and laughed and stood in the fire and wept and was alive. Those are things which are lost with the whoring and the farming and the complete design and desire for the sanitation and safety and sanction of everything. There’s no more instructions on lysol bombs and fucking murder weapons. The ages of gold and silver are behind us now.

God, if you’re alive, could you just shoot me and get it done with already? blessed be you the lord.

cheers and more stories of being unrepentant about breaking the laws,


ps: when I was young I read a book about some native american whose sister was like a young bright prodigy but she stopped and ended up going home and drinking the rest of her life away. they do this on purpose. they enforce poverty and sell you shit and hide their true selves and make you feel like you’re worthless because it’s their control techniques. They don’t recognize you as a person, so they call people like Sandra Oh ”Fleabag”. They don’t see you as a human, they view you as disposable waste. and once they’re done with you, they send you away, poorer, and without progress, while they take the beautiful treasures you made and claim they’re the ones who made it. Then they’ll sell your whole soul and family, everything you cultivated and made, to please their Queen from where they came from. Why? cause they’re douchebags who lost the fight. they’re the second rate douchebags too. The losers and the scoundrels, even lower rated and who do less than I do. And I have to put up with them all the same, even despite their advanced age and fucking shit decision making skills, because under the eye of god we’re ”equals.” I could just kill myself thinking about how awful it is. but I don’t even get to do it. Because I’m a woman, and that means I go second. *shoots self.*
yay korea 🌸🌺 I wanna be fetishized and die to your desires 100%!
*starts crying*

Spoken like a true pedophile.